


Batfam Crack

by Coffee_Zombie123



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics), Teen Titans (Animated Series), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, How Do I Tag, More tags later, Swear Words
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-23 22:22:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30062436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coffee_Zombie123/pseuds/Coffee_Zombie123
Summary: Just what the title says
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

Tim: [Doing fancy spin tricks with his bo staff] DON'T FUCK WITH ME!!! I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE!!!

Batman: [Done TM] Wait You can't-

Tim: [Charges at the Joker] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Joker: [Confused AF] Wha-? 

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim: [Singing] Hey? How ya doing, well I'm doing just fine, I lied, I'm dying inside.

Bruce: .....You ok?

alternatively

Dick: [Singing] Hey? How ya doing, well I'm doing just fine, I lied, I'm dying inside.

Amy Rohrbach: .....You ok?

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bruce: I don't need friends

Bruce:

Bruce: They disappoint me

The Rest of the Justice League: .....

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dick: Hey

Dick: Let me see what you have?

Damian: A KNIFE!!!!!

Dick: NOOOOOO!!!

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Doing Family Relaxation via Meditation}

Random Yoga Instructor: [Breathing out deeply] Release all the Sounds Trapped Inside your Brain

The Original Four Batbros [Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian] and Bruce: [SCREAMING] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Yoga Instructor: Are you Ok? 

Yoga Instructor: [To Cass, the angel of the family and Duke, the relatively sane one] Are they ok?

Cass and Duke: [At the Same Time] No

Batbros and Bruce: I'm a little messed up

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bruce: OK THAT"S IT

Bruce: YOU'RE IN TIME OUT

Bruce: [Pointing] GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE

Dick, Damian, Jason, and Tim: [Getting THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roy: ALRIGHT HAPPY CAMPERS

Roy: IF YOU WERE AN OFFICE SUPPLY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE???

Dick: [Sad Boi] Paper

Dick: People use me then throw me away

Roy: ......Descriptive!! 

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Batman: Do you have what it takes to become a spy?

Young Justice + Shazam: NO!! GOD PLEASE NO!!

Batman: Hrmph

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Founders of the JLA: You Need to Take the Hero Life More Seriously

*Ice Cream Truck Music*

Robin [Dick] and Kid Flash [Wally]: ICE CREAAAMMMMM!!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!

JLA: .......

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

M'gann: Oh My God

Dick: What is it, M'gann?

M'gann: I left my cookies in the oven!

Connor: yoU LEFT YOUR COOKIES IN THE OVEN??!!!

M'gann: I LEFT MY COOKIES IN THE OVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Roy meeting Artemis for the First time}

Roy: Who the Fuck are you?

Artemis: Who the Fuck Are you?

Roy: I asked you first!

Artemis: [Getting up in Roy's face] I asked you second.

GA (green arrow aka Oliver): ....Why me?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I-  
> I don't even know what that is  
> It isnt crack but it isnt headcanons soo....  
> Here?

Kon: [Crying in a Corner] Please Love Me

Clark: [Points at Batman]

Clark: There's an open Dad right there

Bruce: Actually I'm Taken

Clark: Like you'd even notice one more 

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dick: Did you have to stab him?

Jason: You weren't there. You didn't hear what he said to me.

Dick: What did he say?

Jason: "What are you going to do, stab me?"

Dick:

Everyone else at BHPD (bludhaven police department) because dick is on speaker phone while he does paperwork: 

Dick: [Nodding] That's fair.

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bruce: If you had one day left, what would you do with it?

Dick: Say goodbye and mend my relationships

Jason: Something illegal

Damian: Accept my Fate

Tim: I would message 10 people on Facebook saying if they didn't forward the message to 10 people, I would die tommorrow

Duke: Jesus Tim

Everyone but Duke and Bruce: That is fucking awesome, can I change my answer

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Barbra: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

Damian: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.

Dick: Oh Wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Tim: My will to live! I haven't seen this in 15 years

Stephanie: I knew I lost that potential somewhere

Jason: Mental Stability my old friend!

Barbra: Guys, could you lighten up a little?

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jason Todd: We don't need guns. I have a lighter, okay, we get some hairspray, make some flame throwers. Let's fry these bitches.

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harper Row: On a Scale from 'Damn Daniel' to 'Fre sha vaca do' how are you feeling?

Dick: In between 'it's an avacado, thanks' and 'how did you defeat captain america', but as a solid answer I would say 'I don't need a degree to be a clothing hanger'. How about you Tim?

Tim: Probably 'Road Work Ahead'

Bruce and Damian: I speak many languages and this is none of them.  
\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conner Kent: Cassie, how long does it take until you start hallucinating from lack of sleep?

Cassie Sandsmark: I think-

Tim Drake: 72 hours

Conner: How do you-

Tim Drake: [Staring into space] There is a purple monkey behind you

\--------------------------DANANANANANA BATMAN!!!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tornado: Scanning you for injuries [Scans]

Robin (Dick Grayson): No don't scan m-

Red Tornado: Scan Complete 

Red Tornado: No Injuries however you have been expeirencing mood swings common in adolensents 

Red Tornado: Diagonis: Puberty

Robin: wAiT wHaT?


End file.
